INGREDIENTS
• 3 pieces ripe avocados
• 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
• 0.5 cups fresh basil pesto
• 10.7 ounces pasta (linguine or fusilli)
• 7.1 ounces broccoli florets
• 5.4 ounces sugar snap peas
• 1 pieces cucumber
• 1 pieces jalapeño (seeds removed if you're a coward)
• 3 pieces garlic cloves
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 pinch salt & pepper
• 1.4 ounces parmesan (for the pesto pasta)
• 2.1 ounces pistachios (shelled, for garnish)
• 1 pieces green apple, thinly sliced
STEPS
1. Boil the pasta: Cook 10.7 ounces pasta (linguine or fusilli) in aggressively salted water until al dente. Throw in 7.1 ounces broccoli florets for the last 2 minutes — yes, in the same pot. We don't dirty extra dishes on St. Patrick's Day. Drain and immediately toss with 3 tablespoons olive oil so it doesn't turn into a sad clump.
2. Make the world's greenest guacamole: Mash 3 pieces ripe avocados with 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice, minced 1 pieces jalapeño (seeds removed if you're a coward), 1 clove of 3 pieces garlic cloves, and 1 pinch salt & pepper. If you're feeling dramatic, add a little extra lime. Taste it. Add more salt. Taste again. Repeat until your family thinks you have a problem.
3. Dress the pasta: Toss the drained pasta and broccoli with 0.5 cups fresh basil pesto, grated 1.4 ounces parmesan (for the pesto pasta), and remaining 3 pieces garlic cloves (finely minced). The pasta should be coated in so much pesto that it looks like it's been in a forest incident. Season with 1 pinch salt & pepper to taste.
4. Assemble the platter: On a large board or platter, arrange the pesto pasta, the guacamole in a bowl, sliced 1 pieces cucumber, 5.4 ounces sugar snap peas, 1 pieces green apple, thinly sliced fanned out decoratively, and scatter 2.1 ounces pistachios (shelled, for garnish) everywhere like edible confetti. The goal is for someone to walk in and ask if you're celebrating St. Patrick's Day or if you just really love vegetables.
5. Serve with pride: Present to your guests and wait for the inevitable 'wait, this is actually good?' reaction. It is, in fact, actually good. Pour yourself a green drink (sparkling water + cucumber + lime does the trick) and accept your compliments graciously.
NOTES
Pro tips: Don't substitute green food dye for actual green vegetables — your dinner guests will know and they will judge you. The guacamole can be made 2 hours ahead; press plastic wrap directly onto the surface to prevent browning (a very un-festive gray). For extra flair, serve bread on the side dipped in the pesto. Yes, more green. Lean into it. You can do no wrong today.
The recipe hits all the green food groups that actually taste amazing: creamy guac, nutty pesto pasta, crisp snap peas, cool cucumber, and pistachios for crunch. The table has your candles, shamrock napkins, green drinks, and even a little pot-o'-gold coin at center stage.
A few highlights worth noting:
The jalapeño guacamole is the secret weapon — heat + avocado is genuinely great
Pesto pasta + broccoli in one pot means fewer dishes, more celebration time
The green apple slices cut through all the richness perfectly
Sláinte! 🥂
INGREDIENTS
• 1.5 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 6 tablespoons butter, melted
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 0.5 cups key lime juice (bottled is fine, don't @ us)
• 14 ounces sweetened condensed milk
• 3 pieces egg yolks
• 2 tablespoons lime zest (plus extra for showing off)
• 1 cups heavy whipping cream
• 2 tablespoons powdered sugar
• 2 pieces green food dye (optional — the ONE time we allow it)
STEPS
1. Make the crust: Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C). Mix 1.5 cups graham cracker crumbs, melted 6 tablespoons butter, melted, and 3 tablespoons sugar together until it looks like wet sand at a very delicious beach. Press firmly into a 9-inch pie dish — up the sides too, no slacking. Bake until it smells like a cookie had a cracker baby.
2. Whisk the filling: Beat 3 pieces egg yolks until pale and slightly thickened — about 2 minutes. Mix in 14 ounces sweetened condensed milk, then 0.5 cups key lime juice (bottled is fine, don't @ us) and 2 tablespoons lime zest (plus extra for showing off). The filling will be the color of a lime's dreams: pale yellow-green. If you want more dramatic green for St. Patrick's Day, add a drop or two of 2 pieces green food dye (optional — the ONE time we allow it). We said what we said.
3. Bake the pie: Pour the filling into your pre-baked crust. Bake until the center is just set but has a slight jiggle — like a well-mannered custard. It will firm up in the fridge. Do not overbake or you'll have key lime scrambled eggs, which is not a dessert.
4. Chill (the pie AND yourself): Let the pie cool to room temp, then refrigerate for at least 2 hours. This is non-negotiable. Use this time to clean up, set the table, or argue with someone about whether key lime pie should have meringue (it should not).
5. Whip the cream: Beat 1 cups heavy whipping cream and 2 tablespoons powdered sugar until stiff peaks form. Pipe or dollop generously on top of the chilled pie. Shower with extra 2 tablespoons lime zest (plus extra for showing off) and maybe a thin lime slice if you're feeling fancy. Slice into 8 wedges and present it like the trophy it is.
NOTES
Storage: Keeps in the fridge for 3 days, covered. It will not last 3 days. The lime juice is what makes this pie set up — don't reduce it thinking it's too tart. It's supposed to be tart. That's the whole point. That's the whole pie. If someone says 'I don't like tart things' they are not ready for key lime pie and that is okay.
This one is genuinely the perfect St. Patrick's Day dessert because key lime filling is naturally that pale green color without any help. A few things to keep in mind:
Start it first — it needs 2+ hours in the fridge, so make it before you start cooking the main feast
The crust bakes twice (once empty, once with filling) so don't skip that first bake or it'll go soggy
Bottled key lime juice is genuinely great here — fresh key limes are tiny, annoying, and your fingertips don't deserve that.